At First
by AccendoAnimus
Summary: It just didn't make any sense.It really never does.No one knew that this could have happened.It wasn't predicted;it wasn't fate.Yet,here they were,confused and uncertain about the other's feelings. Coming to terms with loving another is hard enough,but trying to figure out what's going on in the other's head is worse.But,like all things, feelings refuse to stay in shadow.


Hey guys! Thanks for reading. R&R :)

-Im here to enkindle courage

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At first, she didn't understand. She didn't get why she could get so mad at him for anything but forgive him a second later if he just smiled at her. She didn't understand why she was always striving to impress him, or why she cared about what he thought of her. Never in her life had she ever went out of her way to make sure someone likes her. She would read magazines to learn about the living world, so she could talk to him. She would drag him shopping to spend time with her, even though he would complain. She didn't understand **that** feeling in her stomach when she caught him staring at her. She would become self conscious when he was around, and fiddle with her hair or clothes until her would tell her to "knock it off, it's distracting". When she saw him fighting Renji the day she was being taken back to the soul society, she could understand why the look of defeat in his face made her feel worthless. She didn't understand why it was so hard for her to tell him to never follow her. She didn't even understand why he chased after her. When she saw him about to fight her brother the day on the bridge to her cell, she didn't understand why she wanted to run and wrap her arms around him and protect him so badly. Even when he stopped the killing blow at her execution, she didn't understand why she couldn't stop the feeling of joy filling her entire body. Or when she clung to him, she never wanted to let go. She didn't understand anything until she was the one the save him from the flaming doll when she came back to the living world. When she saw him, wounded, but with a glad face, she finally understood everything. She understood all of the feelings she had. She understood why she would lay awake at night thinking about him. She, Rukia, a soul reaper, had fallen for the boy that stole her powers. She had fallen for a human. She almost laughed. A member of one of the most powerful noble families, had fallen for a normal human. _Normal? _She would think to herself. _Ichigo is far from normal. He's… amazing. And powerful. Strong willed. Stubborn. Funny. Cute. Everything that I never knew I wanted. _She had fallen in love with Ichigo. But she would keep it a secret, because she doesn't know if he returns the feelings. And because it's forbidden and banned by the law. So, she will continue to quietly admire him from afar.

But she wasn't alone in her confusion.

He didn't understand anything either, at first. He didn't understand why he thought she was cute when she was angry. He didn't understand why it is hard for him to stop smiling when she is around. He didn't understand why he agreed to fighting hollows for her. He didn't understand why he would get nervous when she watched him train. He didn't even understand why he would train harder than normal when she was around. He didn't understand why it was difficult for him to talk to her about everyday things. He was too worried she wouldn't know what he was talking about and he would look foolish. He didn't get why he was even worried about looking foolish. He never cared what people thought of him, his hair would have been dyed long ago if he cared. He didn't understand why he would catch himself staring at her and would blush when she looked at him. She would always ask if something was on her face and he would lie and say yes. He didn't understand that did it so he could touch her face to "remove" something. He didn't understand why he was so panicked and worried the day she disappeared on him. He didn't understand why it hurt him so bad to watch her leave with Renji and her brother. He didn't get why he felt worse when she didn't look back at him. Honestly, he didn't understand why he chased after her. He didn't get why he was so determined to save her, when she told him not to. He didn't understand why he was willing to die for a girl her just met. _A stubborn, violent, crazy woman. _A part of him would think. _A confident, ambitious, beautiful woman. _A tiny part would say, and then he would shake it out of his head. He couldn't even begin to comprehend the amazing feeling inside him when he saved her from the execution. Only when she told him that she was staying in the soul society and only the second after he left did he realize it. He had fallen for a soul reaper, someone many years his senior, a crazy, dramatic, violent woman. He finally understood everything that kept him awake at night; everything that he daydreamed about; everything he secretly wished for. He was afraid of the feelings. He was afraid she would deny his feelings and leave him. He was afraid her brother would take her away from him. But the more he thought about it, as he was away from her, the more he realized that she needs to know. Eventually, he stopped being afraid all together of the feelings. In fact, he embraced them. They made him want to live, so he could see her again; laugh with her again; argue with her again.

It was a dark night, when they were walking back to his house after fighting with a hollow. It was around Christmas time, so there were lights around. As they walked, Ichigo looked to his right and noticed a bridge. He grabbed Rukia's hand and led her over to it. Letting go of her hand he rests his on the side of the bridge looking over the lake. Water lilies littered the lake and a full moon was out. The trees around the lake were bright with lights. It was a beautiful scene. Ichigo glanced at Rukia the same time she glanced at him. Blushing, they both turned away. Rukia put her hand on the side of the bridge beside Ichigo's. Slowly, ever so slowly, the hands seemed to gravitate toward each other until their pinkie's intertwined. Both blushing, they turned to look at each other and smiled. Ichigo was first to speak.

"Rukia… I…well…shit. This is way too hard." He takes his other hand and scratches the back of his neck. "Rukia,Ilikeyou! Idontwantyoutoleave! Stayherewithme! Dontgobacktothesoulsociety! " He blurts out in one go. Rukia gasps at his confession.

"Ichigo, I'm sorry. But I don't like you." Heart break, that's the best word to describe his feelings as he starts to pull his hand away from her. But she holds on and smiles up at him and blushes. "What I mean to say is that…" _I think you're the most amazing person I have ever met in my life, which has been a long time. You're funny and smart and ridiculious. I care about you more than anything in the world. But we can't be together because of the stupid laws of the soul society! "_…is that. No matter what I feel for you, we can't be together because it's against the law. No matter how strongly we feel, it can't happen." It took a moment for the words to sink into his mind. _Wait, that means she does like me! Strong feelings? Maybe she actually fell for me too? Fuck the laws. _

"You know something, Rukia. When I fought your brother, I asked him why he wanted you to be killed. He told me that he vowed to never break a law again, after he took you into his home. Do you know what I told him? That I would fight that law. I would fight it with every bone in my body and with every ounce of my soul. I love you, Rukia! And I will fight for you! I would fight every guard captain, every soul reaper, every hollow! I love you and I won't give you up when I know you feel the same!" The intenseness of his eyes captivated her as he yelled the words. Just as he was about to continue on, she cut him off.

"I love you, too." She smiled at him and he wrapped his harms around her.

"What do we do then?"

"Well, we could keep it a secret for now. We could look into ways to get around the law since you are almost a soul reaper."

"That's a good idea, beautiful."

"Don't make fun, Ichigo."

"I wasn't, Rukia. I wasn't." He smiled down at her and kissed the top of her head. They then turned and looked at the lake in front of them.

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Yay. It was good, right? Review and let me know! :)


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